


What

by what_a_dork_fish



Series: Ineffable Fluffies [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Azi what the hell, Charles Dickens - Freeform, Crowley no...., Fluff, Texting, now with more bastard, silly jokes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-08-11 14:28:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_dork_fish/pseuds/what_a_dork_fish
Summary: This was just an excuse to write a stupid joke.Edit: More stupid jokes now





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this here because I thirst for reactions

Crowley was wondering if he should check on Aziraphale.

The angel had finally relented and gotten a mobile phone, though he had threatened to give it away if it started making noises other than the ringtones Crowley had set for him. Given that this model was extremely cheap and could barely support its very high-quality camera, Crowley doubted it would make any noises whatsoever.

Still. Never hurt to make sure. Crowley was reaching for his own mobile (top-of-the-line, perfect in every way, a masterpiece of engineering, with a bright pink Sailor Moon case that he NEVER took outside the flat) when it pinged, the little noise that meant he’d received a text. Frowning, he picked up the mobile and unlocked it.

A text indeed, and from Aziraphale. Crowley frowned harder, and opened it.

It was just a picture of a stack of books. They looked less tatty than some of Aziraphale’s collection, but they weren’t in mint condition. The author names were almost rubbed off completely, but Crowley guessed they were all the same.

Before he could decide what they meant (code? was Aziraphale in trouble? Or did he just want to show his newest acquisitions? Or maybe he was testing the camera?), Aziraphale sent another text.

_Angel: I showed you my Dickens please respond._

“OH, FUCK OFF!” Crowley yelled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself so much for continuing this

Aziraphale was reading when his new mobile made a ringing noise.

He looked up, frowning, and then it made another ringing noise. Oh, yes, that’s right; Crowley had said that was the “text alert”. Perhaps he was congratulating Aziraphale on his pun.

The angel preened a little, thinking of that. Anathema had told him what that line meant, because some strange man had sent it to her, along with a picture that had NOT been drawing room appropriate. And Aziraphale’s mind had immediately flashed to that new stack of first editions by Charles Dickens.

Oh, yes, the texts. Aziraphale picked up his mobile and fumbled his way through unlocking it and navigating to the text inbox. Goodness, why had he ever agreed to this thing? One message, the top one, just said “multimedia message”. The second said, _Jealous? ;)_

Baffled, Aziraphale tapped the multimedia message.

It took a while to load, but finally he had a picture. It was a book–but the angle of the photo was odd. Was Crowley pointing the camera down? Oddly enough, the fly of his jeans was undone, and he’d wedged the book in the opening…

Aziraphale nearly threw the phone in his anger when he understood the joke.

The book’s title was Moby Dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what other puns/jokes you think these dumbasses would fling at each other! I'm already planning a text conversation composed completely of Shakespeare lines (that might take a while)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like four people have suggested this pun to me. Four. It's not even literary!!! But I still wrote it.
> 
> Forgive me.

Anathema was having a nice, quiet Halloween. She was eating pumpkin pie, drinking hot chocolate, and relaxing after the latest excursion following the prophecies of her famous ancestress. Newt was washing up, humming tunelessly. What a lovely thing, to have a boyfriend who liked housework, so Anathema could deal with her witchcraft.

The kids of the village had already been by for candy, and had expressed great pleasure in the jack-o-lanterns Anathema had carved (Newt’s were a little lopsided). It was nearly midnight, and the energy of Tadfield was calm.

Anathema’s phone, tucked in her skirt-pocket, buzzed its text alert. Startled, she pulled it out and checked it.

Three texts in rapid succession, from that blond guy who had fixed her bike when his stupid boyfriend hit her. She had never gotten the hang of his name, but it was super cute how his boyfriend kept calling him “angel”. So she’d put the angel emoji as his contact name in her phone.

Anathema opened the texts. The first one was a picture, slightly blurry, but still recognizable. It was Angel’s boyfriend, wearing red devil horns and scowling fiercely. The horns seemed to be the focus of the picture. The texts were:

_[Angel]: I actually managed to convince him to dress as a demon for All Hallow’s Eve!_

_[Angel]: He’s horny for me. :)_

Anathema dropped her phone, covered her face with her hands, and began to laugh uncontrollably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments = life, love, and happiness


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do NOT know what I am doing, don't @ me

Aziraphale was making breakfast, humming happily. Crowley's flat was much better equipped than Aziraphale's; he had a stove that worked on the first try, an oven that didn't leak heat like an old bucket, a big sink, and lots of pots and pans. Aziraphale just had to provide food, and he could make anything he wanted.

He was currently baking a cake. He didn't need sleep, and while it was pleasant enough to drift off in Crowley's arms, he usually woke up after only an hour or two with the overwhelming urge to read. So he'd gotten up, gotten ready for the day, and decided on chocolate cake for breakfast. Crowley was still snoozing, and that was alright. Aziraphale smiled fondly, thinking of Crowley. He was so cute when he slept. So delightful. He was delightful when awake, too, but there was an added softness when he slept.

Aziraphale wiped his hand and scrolled on his phone, peering closely at the words. Anathema had given him advice on "googling" things on his mobile, so now he could pull up any recipe he wished. It was quite wonderful. How ingenious of humans! And their ingenuity extended to the myriad recipe sites that Aziraphale loved to peruse. The recipe he was making that morning was an old favorite, but he wasn't sure how much chocolate to put in the frosting.

His phone rang, and he jumped, jerking back. But it was just a text. From Crowley. Odd, why would Crowley text him instead of just coming to the kitchen? Aziraphale managed to open the inbox and blinked at the text.

_Dearest: But soft! what light through yonder window breaks! Tis to the East, and Juliet left the fucking blinds open._

Aziraphale grinned, and texted back as quickly as he could, adding several heart emojis at the end.

_Me: It's good for you to get up early. Come to the kitchen, Romeo, Juliet is making cake._

There was a dull thump from the bedroom, and then running footsteps. Aziraphale laughed as Crowley skidded to a halt in the doorway, looking hopeful.

"Cake?" Crowley said, groggy but becoming more alert by the moment.

"Soon, dearest."

"When?"

"Ten more minutes."

"Love you."

Aziraphale smiled softly at him. "Love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No pun but at least it's a Shakespeare joke, yes?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments = Life, love, and happiness


End file.
